Beauty in the Hard

I was listening to a podcast recently & boy did this question just jump out to me. As a person who deeply values connection and really cringes at the thought of small talk, I wrote it down in the notes section of my phone. Coincidentally, I was going to get together with a group of women who I am just starting to get to know and I thought, wow, this is perfect to get to know them. It’s a simple question, but one that makes you go deep and really think. The question is “What do we need to know about you for you to feel known?” Sounds simple, but it really does go deep if you truly think about it. You see we all unintentionally make assumptions and observations when we meet or get to know people. We quickly put together all that we know about this person, see in this person and experience around this person and its how we decide what we are going to think of said person. Often though, I think we are deeply off. As I am getting older, I am becoming more and more aware that I love deep connection. I love to sit there and hear of someones racing thoughts. I enjoy hearing their trials, what they’ve overcome, and how they managed to do it. You can learn a lot about someone by seeing what they’ve overcome, its inspirational and deeply humbling.

I find it a challenge as we move, to constantly have to restart in meeting friendships, wishing they knew why I am the way I am. Wishing they could see my growth, that they could see what I have struggled with and overcome. I’ve wished that they could see how far God has carried me. If you met me today, in this season, you would not know all the places, all the things i’ve done or all that I overcame. You would just know me in the now. This question “What do we need to know about you for you to feel known?” is such a personal and deep question. What I love about it, it makes you go deeper than the surface. As I asked this question, the conversation sparked deeply and I began to actually learn who these women were and how I could be a friend to them. It also showed me a deeper look into why God brought each of them into my life. Conversations like insecurity, fear of rejection, self love, over thinking, fear of judgment, feeling like they have to be strong, worrying about what others think and so much more. Can you not read each one of those thoughts and identify or relate in some way? Boy, I sat there with so much love and compassion and empathy and relatability with these women. You see, these were my kind of people. Since moving to the south I have struggled with the conception that it’s almost bad manners to look messy. I’m not only talking about on the outside but on the inside too. I had attended small groups in other churches when we first moved here, desperately looking for authenticity and someone willing to represent themselves as someone who had struggles. Where was the woman who was dealing with depression? I knew she had to be in there. Where was the person swallowed up by insecurity, or the person who actually didn’t know much about the bible and wanted to learn? Where was the couple that was having a hard week, or the woman who was needing advice on how to bring reconciliation in a friendship or feeling sadness for how she handled some situation? Where was the real encouragement, the real struggles, the real prayers in the hallway of the church because someone just found out someone was struggled or just heard the bad news?

Kev and I made our rounds in the churches and desperately seeking what I have had in the past, we started to feel it in a church our children really enjoyed. But as big churches can feel, we were still desperately, well at least I was still wanting some close connections. I had been invited to a small bible study, and as I look back what an answer to prayer that was. My most memorable feeling was thankfulness for being remembered. However, back to the point of this story, this question was the question asked at the table and it made me feel so much closer to these women. I think what I am realizing is not that I am searching for people to have flaws or things wrong, I certainly don’t wish that on anyone. But, I do realize that we live in a fallen world. Therefor, perfectionism, and all the things we so easily put on display for the world to see can hide the fact that we are all sinners and broken and struggling. It’s in the broken and the messiness that the Lord gives us hope to be more like Him. When we are able to recognize that we struggle, it makes an opportunity for someone to speak into our hearts, into our lives and for the Holy Spirit to work in us and through us.

So the next time you get together in a group of women, let me tell you… break the facade that we all have it together. Of course with the right women, they will show you that were all in this together. That we all have place to grow. We all have an opportunity to connect through our deepest fears and trials. God is so great, that He can use our worst and use it for His best. His redemption, His love, His mercy and His Holyness is magnified through the lies and the ways satan thinks he has us. God, can use anything.

“What do we need to know about you for you to feel known?”

SO as you look in the mirror or you isolate and feel like God can’t use your worst, remember that its through the hard stuff that we find redemption. Its through the trials that came resurrection, its through walking together where we can see His hand and its through mercy that we can find healing, forgiveness and lead one another to who He is creating us to be.

There is so much beauty in the hard. I pray that you aren’t afraid to share your hard. You may just find that God is waiting to use it.

Be Blessed my Friends

Brittany